Watch Your Face
by Addster
Summary: The Internet sucks sometimes...based of author's real life fail. Major AU, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!
1. The music starts

**AN: My friend started this...she is such a...UGHH! THERE ARE NO WORDS! **

**So it started out with innocent little me checking my email when I see my buddy from school sent me something. Excited, I opened the email. It started out friendly enough, then that's when I saw the link...2 Girls, 1 Cup. **

**I watched the entire thing because I was too traumatized to close the window. This is the second time she's scarred me for life. The first time we were in the seventh grade in Digital Art. She calls me over. Knowing her and computers, I ask, "Is it anything gross?" "Naw, man. It's cool." It was a VERY high quality picture of a blue waffle...FML**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Internet, nor do I own the characters of Naruto.**

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><p>"Hey, fudge-packer."<p>

I turned around to face my pale friend, giving him the eye I so failed at. He pushed me aside and sat on the couch next to me, his laptop in hand.

"Dude, check this out. It's the grossest thing I've ever seen…" his fingers flew over his mouse-pad and clicked a few times before we were on his friend's blog.

I watched the screen carefully, waiting for something freaky to break out.

"Oh, wait. Lemme get the camera…" and off he went, to get his mini camcorder as I sat stupid on the couch.

"Orochimaru, what are you doing?" I pestered, trying to hit the play button. Orochimaru swatted my hand away and returned to setting the camera somewhere it would capture the majority of my face. He looked in the viewfinder and pressed some buttons, turned the thing, and centered it.

"Alright, just watch-."

"What's the camera for?"

"You'll wanna see your face after this, Jiraiya…" Famous last words.

Orochimaru patted my shoulder as he clicked the play button, winking as the music came on.

It was a kind of soft music, classic with a piano playing high in the background.

And then it started.

"Whoa," I felt my eyes widen at the site. Before me, was the holy grail of turn-ons: two chicks going at it.

They were licking each other and one started-

"Aww dude, that's her boob!"

Orochimaru just laughed.

"Keep watching."

What I saw next was too horrendous for words.

I'm all about the ladies, trust me. But that…if you could even describe it as a 'that', was just…

"Oh my god…"

The music got softer and the girls got closer. I could feel something tickling the back of my throat, something thick and burning – I was going to throw up.

"They're eating it like ice cream!" I crammed my fist in my mouth, hoping it would keep the vomit down.

"Keep watching, it gets better," now I know how sick of a freak Orochimaru is. Now I know not to look under his bed, I can't even begin to imagine all the crap he must have under there.

Just as I was starting to feel the vomit falter, one of the girls started throwing up on the other, while the other girl's mouth was open.

"_Ahhhhh! Dude, no! No, no! That's sick!"_

Orochimaru was rolling with laughter as I tried wriggling away from the laptop. But he had me good. My playboy T-shirt was too valuable to lose; I wouldn't allow his pale little paws to steal it from me.

"Keep watching!"

"I don't want to!"

Then the brunette started rubbing against the other, vomit and…other bodily fluids caking her.

"Dude, why?"

And then the music stopped and the screen went dark. It was only then that I noticed I had chewed through the skin on my hand and was bleeding in my mouth. I pulled out my fist and saw three knuckles were either cut up or bloody. Orochimaru was laughing so hard I thought he was going to suffocate.

That's when he got up and went for the camera, pressing a button and picking it up.

"Now you gotta see your face."

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><p><strong>She even told me to tape my reaction, too! I'm too gullible... *sad-face*<strong>


	2. Unjustifiable Revenge

**AN: This whole series was written in just over a half hour because I was so steamed about the whole thing, I couldn't stop writing. So here, 2nd chapter. Please enjoy. :)**

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><p>I decided that since I had been so violently violated, that someone had to share the pain with me.<p>

I was walking down the street, hand bandaged and throbbing like hell and eyes narrowed, looking angrier than an old man with out hemorrhoid cream.

It was then decided (by myself and the remaining dignity I had left) to pop that little _surprise _on someone who deserved it.

The next thing I knew, I was knocking on sensei's door.

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><p>"Ah, Jiraiya! How are you, son?" I vaguely remember grunting a response. What I do remember is this: I stormed up to his desk, pushed his rolly-chair away from his desk and plopped the attachable camera on the top of his computer.<p>

"Jiraiya, what are you doing?"

"Getting my revenge."

"What did I do?" His voice was kind of high, like a squealing girl. I shot my head over to meet his eyes and looked real hard in to his light brown eyes.

"Nothing that I can remember. But, you need to see this."

I opened up the video feature in his computer and hooked the camera up. A little green light went on next to the camera and then I went to the net. I typed in what I wanted and there it was…staring at me on the front page.

I clicked it open and pressed the play button. Stepping back, I closed the blinds behind my sensei and put both my hands on his shoulders.

"Watch."

The music came in, and at first, he looked unsuspecting and excited. He liked classical music and he thought he might be in for a performance.

Nope.

"What the hell?" he barely sputtered those three words out as he leaned in closer to the screen. Shakily, his hand reached for his glasses as he neared closer and closer to the screen.

One girl tossed her cookies on the other.

"Oh…that's…" a man of his intellect is privy to words eloquent and pleasing to the ears. Right now, he could barely stutter out a noun.

"It looks like ice cream! Good lord!"

He covered his mouth and backed away from the screen.

"_Ahh! No, she didn't! Oh god…"_

I held on to his shoulders to keep him conscious, eyes not really focused on anything in particular. Under my grip, I felt him tremble and squirm, shake his head and reach for the mouse.

I stopped him.

"No. All of it."

It was a cruel whimper that escaped his mouth as yet again, one girl vomited on another.

And then it was over.

I clicked out of the Internet server and moved back to the camera system. I brought the video of sensei's face to the full screen.

"Why did I see that?" His hands were rolling down his face in agony as his eyes, glassy and dull, searched his room for something that didn't remind him of the video. He needed to see something that did not, in any way, may it be the color or the shape, remind him of that horror.

"You have to watch your face now…"

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><p><strong>I see a trend staring here...guess who's next? :D<strong>


	3. My dear Teacher

**AN: I just can't help myself...**

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><p>My students are jack-asses.<p>

I haven't been able to experience a decent bowel movement in two days and I can't even _think _about chocolate ice cream.

Those images just kept floating back in to my mind. During the most mundane things.

Like yesterday: I was in a meeting and I started dozing off. Then suddenly, like the crack of a whip, they were there. On the table doing…those things right in front of me. I remember letting out the most terrified yelp of my life.

Now, I was sitting at my desk, eyeing my computer screen, more specifically the Internet icon.

"Goddammit," my will broke and my fingers started typing.

Before I pressed the play button, I thought back to what Jiraiya said before he showed me the video.

I remember pleading, "_What did I do?"_

Nothing.

I did absolutely nothing.

So I picked up the phone and called my sensei.

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><p>"What's up, chicken-butt?" my white-haired teacher waltzed in, hands shoved in his pockets and honey-brown eyes half-lidded.<p>

"C'mere. You gotta watch this."

I already had the camera ready and the video was waiting to be played.

"You should sit down for this," so Tobirama-sensei pulled over a chair and plopped down facing the screen.

Now, some women have claimed to have had _relations _with my teacher. But those few hundred cases were never paid much attention. Nonetheless, my teacher was a womanizer. He loved the opposite sex so much that he saved one day a week to socialize _only _with those special people.

But I had a feeling this would be quite the chastity belt.

The stupid music started playing, and I cringed at the memory. The innocent intro that lead to doom.

"Whoa," Tobirama leaned forward, a smile on his face as he watched the two girls…taste each other.

"So this is what you do all day. Wait-," that was when he leaned back.

"It…ah, ohhh man. It looks like ice cream."

"That's what I said."

Then they started eating it.

I listened as my grown-ass sensei gagged and covered his mouth at the site. He turned his head but I grabbed him by the hair and pulled him back.

"No! You have to watch it all!"

"Why?" he was gnawing on his hand now, eyes wet as the video went on. The two women were sheading clothing quicker then they were eating their…dessert. He kept leaning further and further back

"She just threw up on her! Oh dude, no!" Tobirama-sensei swallowed hard and blinked a few times, thinking that this whole thing had to be a bad dream.

"What are they-? _Ahh! No! No! No!"_

"Watch it all."

The former Hokage was hugging his knees, rocking gently back and forth in his chair. The music started to fade and then the screen went dark. I reached over for the mouse and closed the window, moving over towards the camera system.

"You video taped it?"

"No, not it. Your face…"

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><p><strong>Now I've subjected my favorite Hokage to that torture, shame on me! <strong>

**But I think the next one will be a little longer, hopefully. *crosses fingers***


	4. My Poor Brother

**AN: These are just too much fun, I can't help myself. If there are more chapters, I think I'll be making them longer or more than just the victims watching the video, maybe some chaotic aftermath...yeah, that sounds good!**

**Disclaimer: Really people?**

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><p>It's hard to remember how I got myself home that day, but I managed seeing as how I was lying in my bed.<p>

I had pulled the blinds, tied the curtains together, threw out all my chocolate ice cream and trashed every C.D of classical music Saru had ever given me.

I couldn't face them; they were too much of a reminder.

So I lay in bed, holding myself and trying to dig my head as far down as possible. Everything felt wrong today, nothing was right.

I had just done the wash, but my sheets smelled like…vomit. My pillow was recently re-stuffed for maximum comfort. But it felt like I was lying on some old woman's thigh.

"That's it."

I got up out of bed, kicking away the smelly sheets and punching my pillow. My feet barely touched the ground as I walked, my stride confident and firm. Down the hall and to the right, I turned the corner and pulled my pants back up to my waist.

His door was cracked open and some light was peeking out through the opening. Before I went in, I stopped.

He was innocent in all this; he hadn't done anything to upset me in the last few days. So why?

_Why?_

I shook my head in an effort to get the traumatized screech from my mind.

No. I was going to do this.

It would help me sleep if I did, I knew it would.

So I opened the door.

"Hashi," I said firmly, watching his head as he looked up from his paperwork.

"Hey Tobi."

My older brother's pen scratched over a few more dotted lines and then he set it down, dark brown eyes looking in to mine.

"What's up?" I started walking over to his desk, halting ever so slightly when I saw his bowl of ice cream on the table. I swallowed hard, not wanting the burning bile to rise up in my throat.

"There's something you have to watch."

I hated computers, they were so stupid. But now, as I angrily pulled open that Internet thing and typed in what I had saw, I was starting to like this weapon of mass destruction.

I remembered what Saru had done: he had taped my reaction. But us two computer whizz kids didn't have a camera, so we would have to do without.

I clicked the play button and sat in the chair across from him, watching his face.

"Tobi, wha- whoa," he leaned in closer as my foot reached over and closed the door. The music started getting louder, the cue that it was about to get nasty.

His face, oh god his face, turned in to that of a troll. His mouth morphed in to the shape of an M and his eyes narrowed as he watched.

"Good lord…" he started to lean away, but his eyes never left the screen.

Pervert.

"_Oh my god!" _he covered his mouth in disgust after his shrilly whisper rang through the room. His eyes waggled and changed shapes in to something like parallel lines with little black dots in the middle.

"Tobi,"

"There's more."

My eyes never left his face; this was too good to miss.

Hashi went back to the screen just as one girl started evacuating the contents of her stomach on the other. Hashi scooted his chair away from his desk and bared his teeth in disgust.

"Tobi please! Make it stop!"

"No! You have to watch it all!" I ran over to his side of the desk and held his shoulders and pushed him back. He tried turning his head away but I had him by the cheeks. Holding his face, I held him steady and made sure he looked right at it.

"Look at it!"

He let out an unmanly whimper, raising his hands to shield his face.

"_Look at it!" _and I swatted them away.

"_Why are they eating it?" _he cried as the two women dug in, totally not needing spoons.

From their perspective, their treat must have looked a little bland. So one, sticking her finger down her throat, decided some _chocolate syrup_ would make things better.

I hadn't even noticed that I had slid myself in my brother's chair next to him. He was trembling at the sight and I had my arms wrapped around his broad shoulders, hoping if I buried my head in his arm that everything would go away.

The music started to fade and the screen started to darken until finally, it was over.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…"Hashi kept mouthing it over and over and over, like he was some zombie in a trance.

"Tobi, why?" I shook my head in his arm, not really remembering the reason.

"I'm sorry, big bro. I'm so sorry…" I hugged him even tighter.

"It was like soft-serve…it came out just like soft-serve…"

We both sat in the chair for a while, neither of us really wanting to leave. I still held my brother as he blankly stared at his screen, mouth open and eyes watery.

The face of trauma.

I sucked up the congestion in my nose and wiped my face on his sleeve. I rose from the chair, running my fingers through my hair and reached for the doorknob. I turned back and looked at him one more time. He faintly raised his eyes to mine, jaw still hanging.

"You should have seen your face."

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><p><strong>Yeah, this might be turning in to a redundant crack fic...I've never written something like this before, I like it. :)<strong>


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